Interventions

Whatever background and culture you come from and whatever spiritual or non-spiritual approach you have to life the following edict (amended from a religious teaching) is something I have found to be a useful guide in my life:

Have the courage to Change the things you can, to accept the things you can’t and the wisdom to know the difference

Sometimes the only change you need to make is at a cognitive (thinking) level the acceptance of what you can’t change.

Examples of what can’t be changed: You suffer a sports injury and end up paralysed, physically unable to walk again. You develop a degenerative disease of the eye, you lose your sight, you cannot regain it. Your sister dies.

These examples are clear in that there is no going back. Movement, sight, a loved one – all are lost …..for ever.

There is though a huge psychological challenge in what we know as ‘coming to terms with’ such losses. Acceptance is not easy and often therapy is very helpful in the process of acceptance. However, many aspects of life can be therapeutic in and of itself. The loss of a loved sister can be better borne if the relationship was good and if other family members and friends can share and support each other in coming to terms with the loss.

Losing your sight is more individual but still family and friends can be therapeutic. Additionally contact with others who have and are experiencing such a loss can be beneficial, hence the many self-help groups that exist.

Two factors that impede acceptance are isolation, either due to not having family or friends who can offer support or/and feeling too ashamed to seek support. This is often the case

Some people are just too stuck in not being able to accept their loss.

And some psychological problems are not as clear cut as the examples above and this means a lot of energy, time and money can be invested in trying to change something that actually needs to be accepted and adjusted to.

For example, a doctor that accepted the remit of getting a paralysed man to walk would be behaving unethically. Therefore, an important job of a therapist is to check out if the problem you seek help with is something that can be changed or needs to be accepted. But because acceptance is not an easy thing it can be an important aim of therapy and sometimes the work of therapy may be purely around acceptance.

Acceptance and change therapy is now part of mainstream NHS psychological therapy provision – known by the acronym ACT (Acceptance and change Therapy) .

Useful resources available on line and in books and the Compassionate Mind Website is a good place to begin with pointers to a range of resources.

Think about your difficulty (ies)